Daffodil Lament

For some reason this song by the Cranberries has always been very important to me. I am trying to figure out why, what is the connection. There always is... All the important songs in my life remind me of something, someone. Soundtrack of my life...

It's like with literature, there always has been someone before who has said things better than I ever could, that's why this is the highest form of writing that I will ever do. I know my limitations.

"...I have decided to leave you forever..."

Maybe that's it. When this song was new I was in a point I had to let go of my first true love. It was basically a teenage thing, nothing to be counted as serious when you think about it now. But back then... damn... it was serious then. It was growing up. I can still remember how it felt. There's a lot of stuff that's escaped from me now, but not that. Not accepting that loss. First failure of that sort. Little did I know there was a lot of that kind coming up.

It's strange, the pain that just will not go away. The humiliation of being rejected. The memory of things that could have been very different if just... If I would have been different. But then I would have not been me.

For someone who does not live in the past I sure do write about it a lot. That's my way of dealing. I write, and then I can not think about it again for a while. Emotional vomiting.