Darwin Award

Death

Lately death has been following me around. It all started a few weeks back when I had this sudden feeling of terror when I was going to bed. My gf was already sleeping, and I had been watching something from tv, some random comedyshow or something, nothing that should have raised these thoughts. I went to bed and suddenly felt terrible fear of death. And I started to think that okay, I'm now 29 so that means I have about this much time left and nonsense like that. All this lasted for about half an hour and I just couldn't shake the fear away.

The next day I felt a bit weird but work and all that normal stuff made me forget those thoughts. But since then everywhere I look there's death. I'm watching something from tv, like Friends, and what is the episode about? The death of mr Heckles. I'm reading a book and on page two someone dies. I open the paper and it's death here death there death everywhere. I know it's just a coincidence, that in the books and tv etc there aren't any more dead people than used to be. Now it just catches my attention.

Maybe the past year gave me so much to lose that for the first time I've started to feel fear of it.

But, on a lighter note:

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Milady the Most Honourable Hale the Educated of Ofsted in the Bucket Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

What a great idea!

Sokeatkin pääsemässä metsästämään Texasissa
STT-IA, 13.12.2006

Myös sokeiden pitää päästä ammuskelemaan, tuumivat Texasin lainsäätäjät. Ampuma-aseita suosiva osavaltio valmistelee lainmuutosta, joka päästäisi sokeat metsästämään lasertähtäimillä.
Toinen vaihtoehto olisi se, että sokeiksi luokitellut ihmiset saisivat käyttää metsästysaseita, jotka osoittavat kohteen valolla.
- Tämä avaa metsästyksen huvit entistä useammille ihmisille. Aloite on mielestäni loistava, hihkuu lakialoitetta puoltava republikaaniedustaja Edmund Kuempel.

Texasin nykyiset lait kieltävät kaikilta lasertähtäimet. Myös kohteen valolla osoittavat aseet ovat kiellettyjä, sillä eläimet yleensä jähmettyvät paikalleen, jos ne joutuvat valokeilaan.
Käytännössä lainmuutos päästäisi metsästämään henkilöitä, jotka näkevät jonkin verran, mutta jotka on määritelty sokeiksi.

Oh my... Accidents are just waiting to happen, aren't they..?

Once again stealing from someone else

It's my birthday today and besides a bit of a sore throat I'm in an excellent mood. I have nice things to look forward to after work, including going to see Zen Cafe at Tavastia. So the following quote has nothing to do with my current mood. I heard this song a few days ago and it reminded me of some things and feelings some of my friends are going through at the moment. And maybe a bit how I've felt at some point in my life too.

Luotettu ehkä liikaa siihen että aika korjaa
se minkä vuoksi nähtiin niin kovin paljon vaivaa
että hajalle saatiin
se mikä kauniiksi tarkoitettiin

Kipu kuolee huutamalla
alastomalla lattialla
Miten kauan sitä kestää
ei, sitä ei voi tietää
Kehen sattuu ja kuinka paljon
siitä kysymys enää tässä kai on
kun on saavuttu siihen pisteeseen
ettei mikään ole varmaa

Maailman pisimmät tunnit
niiden otteeseen jää kiinni
Niitä kantaa loppuun asti
vaikka itse ei aina huomaa
millainen on se taivas jota ei löydetty koskaan
Olen kuullut paljon siitä
osan jopa omasta suustani
voi niin pitkälle jaksaa kun itsellensä vakuuttaa

Joku meistä on onneton
palanut mutta tunnoton
katuva mutta uskoton
enemmän kuin rauhaton
Periaate on ehdoton
perustelu on aukoton
yhtälö ehkä mahdoton
miten niin muka armoton?

Koneeseen Kadonnut, Apulanta

Music can make you hurt yourself

I like cheesy music. You know, dramatic lyrics (usually they are actually very short, simple and repeat the same lines over and over again), that sad lovestory kind stories, preferably from the eighties. Best radiostation to listen to this kind of music is definetely Metro fm, they have nothing but that. I keep cracking up at work laughing because they play the funniest songs. These songs I haven’t heard in years. (and they still rock!) And they have this simple cool feature on their website where you can check out what’s playing and what’s coming next so I’ve actually found out few songs names/performers I’ve forgotten and been able to (ahem) “buy” them online now.

And because of that feature I practically fell off my chair laughing. There’s this song called The Promise. I really like it. It has all the necessary qualities. And it gets extra points for worst artist name. Poor guy.

Cock Robin Lyrics The Promise

...Tell me
You'll be there in my hour of need
You won't turn me away
Help me out of the life I lead
Remember the promise you made

Could I rely on your faith to be strong
To pick me back up and to push me along
Please tell me
You'll be there in my hour of need
You won't turn me away
Help me out of the life I lead
Remember the promise you made...

pikkusiskolle

En voi voittaa tuskaa.
En voi väistää elämää.
Yritän ajatella aikaa maisemana.
On kuljettava läpi
kun saapuu reunaan se loppuu.
Reunassa loistaa Valo.
Minun elämäni on matka kohti Taivaallista Valoa.

Elina Hirvonen
Että hän muistaisi saman

Friendship book Lazyboy-style

Do you consider yourself intelligent? (yes, except sometimes I am the Queen Supreme Of Dumb Ideas)
Are you ready to go all the way? (depends what’s at the end of the way)
Are you married? (no)
How do you rank yourself? (Queen Supreme)
Are you punctual? (most of the time)
When do you think you will have kids? (probably never)
Have you ever had a nervous breakdown? (not really)
Do you find yourself mentally stable? (mostly, just occasionally I’m a raving lunatic)
How do you deal with pressure? (best by avoiding it)

Do you find yourself qualified for life? (yes)

Don’t lie (just occasionally)
Don’t kill (haven’t done so, yet)
Don’t smoke (quit a long time ago)
Don’t run (would like to)
Don’t yell (rarely)
Don’t panic (very rarely)
Don’t steal (I don’t)
Don’t cry (sometimes I do)
Don’t die (do my best not to)
Don’t act (no, trust me on that)
Don’t drink (I do)
Don’t stumble (I do)
Don’t hate (I do)
Don’t bitch (I really do)
Don’t cheat (I don’t)

Remember to separate all your kitchen garbage (hmmm… yeah I know I should)
And turn the water off when you brush your teeth (sometimes I do)
Only buy organic food (hell might freeze over before that)

Get married (maybe someday)
Get loved (I am)
Get cleaver (aren’t I?)
Get big (hopefully not much bigger than this)
Get lucky (hell yeah I get)
Get rich (just bought a new lottery ticket)
Get good (I am)
Get free (ditto)
Get real (I try to remember that one)
Get food (as often as I can)
Get water (not enough)
Get sleep (really not enough)
Get sex (not going to kiss and tell)

(modified from the song Do you find yourself qualified by Lazyboy)

I hear voices

I finally caved in and joined a bit more to the nerd generation and got myself an iPod (nano 4 GB, for those who care about the details). Luckily I got it cheaply from my brother (the real nerd who just got a new better one). So now I can listen to music and stuff when I go to work and so on.

There’s only two minor things…

Besides music there’s Denis Learys stand-up comedy on my playlist. So I look like a complete tosser while waiting for the bus, quietly and occasionally not so quietly, laughing out loud by myself.

And if I get hit by a truck because I didn’t hear it coming and die you can blame Bullet With Butterfly Wings for that.

"…And what do I get, for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game…
Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show?
And what do you want?
I want to change
And what have you got, when you feel the same?"

10 things I want to remember

1. The day he came home for the first time, his bewildered expression and looking like his skin was four times too big. Kurttu, we called him.

2. His innocent look when we found out that instead of just taking a nap under the sofa he was chewing it from the inside for his teething pains.

3. His floppy ears when he’s running down to the lakeside to go swim and to try to drink the lake away.

4. How amazingly brave he is, especially when he is securely being held in your arms, preferably inside, and barking to those beastly squirrels.

5. His love for sauna.

6. His love for food...

7. and for napping.

8. The way he goes to look for his puppy Lurppa whenever someone comes over, to show him off.

9. How he taught me to drive the car to the driveway very very quietly and to open the door without waking him up at four in the morning.

10. His joy when we open christmaspresents and he gets to open his own.


When it’s time it’s time. But not just yet, please?

Matala ärsytyskynnys...

Olen viime päivinä lukenut erästä Anne Holtin dekkaria. Kirjan henkilöihin kuuluu mm. ahdistunut lesbopoliisi, hänen turkkilainen upporikas kumppaninsa, taloudenhoitajaksi siirtynyt entinen huora, erakoitunut ukkeli, toisiaan ristiin rastiin oikeuteen haastanut surmansa saava perhe ja lukuisa määrä muita.

Ja mitä ilmeisimmin he ovat kaikki karhuja koska he jatkuvasti TASSUTTELEVAT joka paikkaan.

www.toivottulapsi.com

spread the word

Finally

I hold on to so much junk. I save up things I have no longer need, just random stuff, bits and pieces of things I don't want, miss, or really even remember why I saved them for.

Today I started to throw them away, both literally and mentally. So now parts of my life are in the trash. But I do feel a bit... cleaner, I guess. Why keep all that?

I think I lost myself for a while, I just kept on going, kind of doing, or performing, my life instead of living it. This time it was not a question of putting a mask on every time I left my home, pretending to be okay when I was not, because I wasn't that unhappy or anything, just that I couldn't be bothered. Bored, I'd say. But then summer came and I had my head filled up with Pride-stuff and I was so waiting for going away to England and hanging out with Mira and I started to feel that I was actually paying attention to my surroundings, being here for real. And then, well, I saw something...

I am having the weirdest time of my life at the moment. I am looking into my sunny garden, holding a book... There's the chair in the middle of the greenest grass ever, it is warm and the breeze is gentle. It is perfect. I am almost there.

Robin Hood's tree

I went to Nottingham to see the famous oaktree from the tales of Robin Hood. It was raining like it only can in England and we drove to the Sherwood forest (not with a horsecarriage but in Jo’s efficient little car) through the fields. We get to the forest and start walking through the, let’s admit it, slightly creepy woods. It looks like the kind of place that is beautiful on a summer morning when it’s bright and warm. It’s easy to imagine yourself lazily strolling around, maybe with a picnic basket and a blanket under your arm… But at twilight, in the rain, it looks creepy. Suddenly fairytales, the ones where Queen Titania comes and steals children to be slaves in her castle don’t seem to be just tales.

The forest seems to be alive, not just individual trees and birds and bushes but the forest. It has a spirit of it’s own. After walking a while we see The Tree. It’s huge. Magnificent old tree, something you can easily imagine been there forever. It looks like it has seen kings and queens come and go, it has seen war and peace, it has seen great deers in it’s shadow, maybe some thief was hanged from it’s strong branches… The tale of Robin Hood feels real when looking at the tree, what adventures it must have seen!

Then we look at the sign next to the tree:

“Is this the tree in the stories? No.”

Travelling...

Elämä on niin yksinkertaista
Senkun vain elää
Senkun vaan hengittää
Se en ole minä joka kannattelee elämää
Elämä kannattelee minua
Oikea jalka
Vasen jalka
Hengitä sisään
Hengitä ulos
Rakastan tätä katua

Lukas Moodysson

Haunted by the thought

of a beautiful woman with the most amazing eyes.

Butterflies all over.

A thought for today...

That which does not destroy us...

generally puts us in a truly vicious frame of mind.

8 things I've learned from booktitles

1. Please don't eat the daisies
(pretty flowers but not necessarily good for you, can be said about a lot of things, pretty doesn't equal good)

2. Facing up
(whatever happens)

3. You can't do business with Hitler
(well, for obvious reasons not... but to be atleast semiserious, there are some things/people/ideas people are better to stay away from, or atleast read the fine print Really carefully)

4. Tomorrow will be better
(always always things will get better, maybe not tomorrow but maybe the day after that)

5. It is dark only for our eyes
(sometimes it's good to change the point of view)

6. Go insane
(do I really need to explain this?)

7. Half-lives
(I see that around me, I'm not saying mine isn't sometimes but I try to avoid that as best as I can)

8. Smoke and mirrors
(sometimes there are things I better not see)

Scars

Some I have... Some of those anyone can see... Sorry to say that atleast in one case it's one of those that hurt the most. Not the making of it, like some would think, but what it reminds me of.

In a way it also makes me stronger. It reminds me of getting through things. That things work out fine, even if they don't work out the way you wished for. It might even be better that it didn't work out that way.

But, after all this bravado of surviving and being strong and all that there still is the fact of being completely at loss when seeing her smile.

This keeps playing in my head:

"And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone"

Do not give weapons to generals or other children...

Just had to post the highlights here from the link Satu kindly posted as a comment on my previous post. I've heard this before but it cracks me up every time...

"The US military investigated building a "gay bomb", which would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, government papers say. Other weapons that never saw the light of day include one to make soldiers obvious by their bad breath.

The US defence department considered various non-lethal chemicals meant to disrupt enemy discipline and morale. The 1994 plans were for a six-year project costing $7.5m, but they were never pursued.

The US Air Force Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio, sought Pentagon funding for research into what it called "harassing, annoying and 'bad guy'-identifying chemicals".

The plan for a so-called "love bomb" envisaged an aphrodisiac chemical that would provoke widespread homosexual behaviour among troops, causing what the military called a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale. Scientists also reportedly considered a "sting me/attack me" chemical weapon to attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats towards enemy troops. A substance to make the skin unbearably sensitive to sunlight was also pondered.
Another idea was to develop a chemical causing "severe and lasting halitosis", so that enemy forces would be obvious even when they tried to blend in with civilians. In a variation on that idea, researchers pondered a "Who? Me?" bomb, which would simulate flatulence in enemy ranks. Indeed, a "Who? Me?" device had been under consideration since 1945, the government papers say. However, researchers concluded that the premise for such a device was fatally flawed because "people in many areas of the world do not find faecal odour offensive, since they smell it on a regular basis". "

five minutes of being a good human

Gotta love the net. In five minutes, about, I signed three online petitions (torture here, torture there, torture everywhere), forwarded them to a bunch of friends and e-mailed some straight friends (gotta love categorizing also) about some stuff they should look into, because stupid white middle-aged men are trying to walk over them too. But I will not start my rant about babies and dykes and familyvalues and single moms here now... I'm sure you all know what I would say.


"I laugh, I feel
I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can "

Kasey Chambers