but I am not telling what it is... Because there's a good chance I will not do it, so there's no reason for others to know what I think of doing. Annoying, I know. But I am writing this because just seeing these words help me, maybe this will get it out of my head.
I've been having this feeling for a while now that I need to act out a bit, let out some steam. And last night it came to me in a dream, I was overcome with stupid fantasies about what to do. Sometimes I just get totally bored with myself and everything and then doing something not reasonable at all helps. Well, it doesn't actually help, but it clears my anxiety. Or atleast makes me anxious about something real, in a "ohmysweetjesusonapogostickwhydidIdothatfor" way. It is not a question of doing anything harmful, atleast harmful to anyone else besides my poor heart and soul, just letting go of control for a while. Sometimes it involves other people, sometimes just me hopping on a boat to Tallinn. It's a form of walking away, moving on, even when it seems like going backwards, doing something I haven't done in years. Letting things go by living them again? Maybe that too.
And then something completely else... People who annoy me: gays who attend everything in Pride events except the parade because someone might see them in the news and figure out they're gay. That's real pride of yourself you got there.
I'm not saying I don't understand that some people have difficulties being out in their workplaces or to their family etc. and everyone has the right to live just as out they choose. But you know the type, flaming gay or the bulldyke of the town, except if there's a chance someone straight sees it.
(I just met someone like this so that's why the rant.)
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