Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Be still, my beating heart...

I have that butterfly feeling, I have pills for that. I don't know if they help but they make me feel a bit more secure. They make me feel there's something I can do.

It is the weirdest feeling, so unreal. It's terrifying. It makes me do two things at the same time, to feel very focused on my body and to drift away from it. (It's the lack of oxygene in my brains, ha ha.) I can feel everything very clearly, the pressure and the tingling and the strain. And I can kind of be outside of it all, it's just my body, not my spirit, not my mind... But it strains me, makes me weak, makes me fear. This I don't want to fear. Not again. Not anymore.

...kun hengität, hengitä syvään...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie. That really sucks. To put it mildly.