Details

in case you are wondering ( it occurred to me to wonder myself) why am I writing in English..? I'm Finnish. This is not a language I speak daily ("yes, one moment please" doesn't count). I am much more at ease in Finnish, obviously.

Some kitchenpsychology is in order here, I guess. This is a way to detach myself, look myself from the outside, to make it easier for me to describe my feelings, almost pretend I'm talking about someone else.

Mutta enhän minä niin tee. Minä kirjoitan minusta, siitä mitä sillä hetkellä näen itsessäni. Ehkä onnekseni se vaihtelee toisinaan hyvinkin nopeasti. Ja vielä, edelleen, aina vain, minä voin katsoa itseäni peilistä enkä minä häpeä. Kaikki on siis hyvin.

So there you go. I am not just what you see.

A revelation

Soooo... I had another blog before, very personal, filled with names and details (well, almost) and I decided to delete that and start a new one, the kind my friends could actually read too, and my significant others, without wanting to kill me afterwards. It was a blog that was my personal outlet, where I could be a bitch and a complete idiot, think only myself and just be stubborn and stupid and jealous and needy and whiny. After deleting that, when it started to feel unnecessary, I thought that I could write about my life and thoughts, funny little stories, you know, be perky.

I just completely forgot that I am not perky. I'm depressed most of the time. Rest of the time I'm tired, angry or bored.

Consider yourself warned.

"Suicides & spinsters -
all our kind!
Even decorous Jane Austen,
never marrying,
& Sappho leaping,
& Sylvia in the oven,
& Anna Wickham, Tsvetaeva, Sara Teasdale,
& pale Virginia floating like Ophelia,
& Emily alone, alone, alone...
But you endure & marry,
go on writing,
lose a husband, gain a husband,
go on writing,
sing & tap dance,
& you go on writing,
have a child & still
you go on writing,
love a woman, love a man
& go on writing.
You endure your writing
& your life."

Erica Jong

A new beginning

(once again)

Take my hand. You've been missed.