Saturday, April 29, 2006

A thought from yesterday and Placebo

I had a brief discussion about pain, especially inflicting pain, with Stephanie last night. I kept thinking about it and then at home I was listening to music and Placebo's Every me and every you started playing. Some parts really got my attention. So here's those parts, I butchered the lyrics somewhat, took out the parts that didn't hit home. Why they did so, I'll keep that to myself. Besides the obvious reasons ...

"My heart's a tart, your body's rent
My body's broken, yours is bent.
Carve your name into my arm,
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed,
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Another love I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse,
In the shape of things to come,
Too much poison come undone.
There's never been so much at stake,
I serve my head up on a plate,
It's only comfort, calling late,
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Like the naked leads the blind,
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind,
All alone in space and time.
There's nothing here but what here's mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you."

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Once upon a time...

another little princess was born to bring awe into our lives...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Still happyhappyjoyjoy

Obviously I think about death when I'm surrounded by birth.

I think about who will be there to carry me when I'm dead. I want to be cremated but I think there is something beautiful in carrying the coffin, so my friends, I want you to do that, before the big party... I still feel sorry that I didn't do that favor to my grandpa when I had that chance. I once read that everyone should have atleast six loved ones in their life. It takes six to carry a coffin.

I am happy to know that I have more than that.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

About family...

I might never have a family of my own but today my godchild was born, the daughter of my dearest friend. That's family to me.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Torgrim Eggen...

"Hän kuulosteli sydäntään, tai missä sisäelimessä tuntemukset nyt sijaitsevatkin, ja kaiken muun saastan keskellä asusti pienen pieni joo."

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Emotional kick in the groin

I think there should be a law or something that people you've fancied big time should later turn ugly. And NOT look hotter than ever. That is just plain wrong.

I saw this girl from my past yesterday, chatted with her for a while (oh, you just got engaged, how nice!) and then felt like it would be a good idea to drink myself into oblivion. But I do have some sense in my head and I didn't (because I didn't want to ruin tonights Zen Cafe gig). Damn it felt weird seeing her. It's not like I'd think there could be anything anymore, or that there ever really was a real chance for that. I just liked her so much back then and it did hurt quite much when she said I am not the right one for her. It was true, but still I did wish for it not to be so then. Those of you who know me better understand what she meant for me, you can see that in my left arm, probably always will. One of my Queen Supreme ideas, that one... Around that time she was one of the most attractive women I'd ever met. Sadly for me, still is.

I just hope seeing her would stop making me go weak.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Writers block

Once again I have trouble finding words. I can't get the words out, not anything that would describe the way I feel right now. Confused and happy and sad and bored and tired and alive and empty. See, not very clear...

But two things: first of all, I got a permanent job now, or atleast so permanent than a job can be. I was offered a new contract on friday and I did take it, even though I felt before I probably would not. But it was a good offer and I can always ditch the job with two weeks notice so not bad. So this means I can really start planning maybe buying my own apartment, getting a home of my own (well, it would be the property of bank for a really long time but anyway). Makes planning my life a lot easier.

Second, I finally got a message from an old friend of mine I had worried about for a few months. He's not the happiest person in the world and not hearing from him for a while made me anxious. But now I know he's okay, or atleast alive and all that. Huge weight off my chest, I can breathe a little bit easier. And not be so cranky.

I've been listening to Stella's song Piste repeatedly for the last few days. It helps me. With what? Accepting. Here's the lyrics:


"Kun puhalletaan tulta tähän sammuvaan hiileen
Se savullansa meitä tukehduttaa
Ja jos vain muistellaan jäädään kiinni ikuisuuteen
Eikä eletä ollenkaan
Kaikki tämä vähäkin vain tuhotaan
Rohkeempaa on luovuttaa

Kyllä sinä muistat kuinka katse viiltelee
Kyllä sinä tiedät miten lehdet putoilee
Kaikki on jo nähty siksi pisteen nyt teen
Anna jo olla
Anna mun olla ja unohtaa

Kun nyt jutellaan voidaan hyvin katsoa silmiin
On nähty nämä seinät ennenkin
Mutta ei saa koskettaa, ne aamut meidät imee vain kuiviin
Ei tästä tule näin valmiimpaa
Ehkä on jo aika irrottaa
Kai saa nyt luovuttaa…?

Kyllä sinä muistat kuinka katse viiltelee
Kyllä sinä tiedät miten lehdet putoilee
Kaikki on jo nähty siksi pisteen nyt teen
Anna jo olla
Anna mun olla ja unohtaa

Kyllä minä tiedän kuinka kehomme kietoutuu
Kyllä minä muistan kelle ihosi tuoksuu
Jos tulevatkin vuodet käsiimme vain rikkoutuu
En jaksaisi olla
Anna mun olla ja unohtaa… "

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sundayblues..

Going to sleep at five am on a sunday morning really fucks up the whole day. I woke up around one, watched tv, grabbed something to eat and then it's time to go to bed again, or actually is way too late and I should be sleeping already but can't, because I woke up so late after sleeping too little...

I did go see Capote today and it was a good movie, although a bit unnerving. But it made me glad not to be a writer or artist of any kind. Maybe I would be the kind of person he was and go way too far for the sake of getting a story. If it went anything like it was pictured in the movie, maybe it was right that he never could finish anything else after writing about those murders.

"It's as if Perry and I grew up in the same house. And one day he went out the back door and I went out the front."

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Stealing again from someone else

Everything is so messed up in my head I can't even begin to write it down, yet.

But this joke I want to share with you:

"British Airways passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flightattendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers,

"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines." he said, "I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, bitch."


I thought this was hilarious, I can just picture it... And being the Queen Supreme of all dumb ideas, well... And still bored at work.