Thursday, August 31, 2006

Matala ärsytyskynnys...

Olen viime päivinä lukenut erästä Anne Holtin dekkaria. Kirjan henkilöihin kuuluu mm. ahdistunut lesbopoliisi, hänen turkkilainen upporikas kumppaninsa, taloudenhoitajaksi siirtynyt entinen huora, erakoitunut ukkeli, toisiaan ristiin rastiin oikeuteen haastanut surmansa saava perhe ja lukuisa määrä muita.

Ja mitä ilmeisimmin he ovat kaikki karhuja koska he jatkuvasti TASSUTTELEVAT joka paikkaan.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Finally

I hold on to so much junk. I save up things I have no longer need, just random stuff, bits and pieces of things I don't want, miss, or really even remember why I saved them for.

Today I started to throw them away, both literally and mentally. So now parts of my life are in the trash. But I do feel a bit... cleaner, I guess. Why keep all that?

I think I lost myself for a while, I just kept on going, kind of doing, or performing, my life instead of living it. This time it was not a question of putting a mask on every time I left my home, pretending to be okay when I was not, because I wasn't that unhappy or anything, just that I couldn't be bothered. Bored, I'd say. But then summer came and I had my head filled up with Pride-stuff and I was so waiting for going away to England and hanging out with Mira and I started to feel that I was actually paying attention to my surroundings, being here for real. And then, well, I saw something...

I am having the weirdest time of my life at the moment. I am looking into my sunny garden, holding a book... There's the chair in the middle of the greenest grass ever, it is warm and the breeze is gentle. It is perfect. I am almost there.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Robin Hood's tree

I went to Nottingham to see the famous oaktree from the tales of Robin Hood. It was raining like it only can in England and we drove to the Sherwood forest (not with a horsecarriage but in Jo’s efficient little car) through the fields. We get to the forest and start walking through the, let’s admit it, slightly creepy woods. It looks like the kind of place that is beautiful on a summer morning when it’s bright and warm. It’s easy to imagine yourself lazily strolling around, maybe with a picnic basket and a blanket under your arm… But at twilight, in the rain, it looks creepy. Suddenly fairytales, the ones where Queen Titania comes and steals children to be slaves in her castle don’t seem to be just tales.

The forest seems to be alive, not just individual trees and birds and bushes but the forest. It has a spirit of it’s own. After walking a while we see The Tree. It’s huge. Magnificent old tree, something you can easily imagine been there forever. It looks like it has seen kings and queens come and go, it has seen war and peace, it has seen great deers in it’s shadow, maybe some thief was hanged from it’s strong branches… The tale of Robin Hood feels real when looking at the tree, what adventures it must have seen!

Then we look at the sign next to the tree:

“Is this the tree in the stories? No.”