Finally

I hold on to so much junk. I save up things I have no longer need, just random stuff, bits and pieces of things I don't want, miss, or really even remember why I saved them for.

Today I started to throw them away, both literally and mentally. So now parts of my life are in the trash. But I do feel a bit... cleaner, I guess. Why keep all that?

I think I lost myself for a while, I just kept on going, kind of doing, or performing, my life instead of living it. This time it was not a question of putting a mask on every time I left my home, pretending to be okay when I was not, because I wasn't that unhappy or anything, just that I couldn't be bothered. Bored, I'd say. But then summer came and I had my head filled up with Pride-stuff and I was so waiting for going away to England and hanging out with Mira and I started to feel that I was actually paying attention to my surroundings, being here for real. And then, well, I saw something...

I am having the weirdest time of my life at the moment. I am looking into my sunny garden, holding a book... There's the chair in the middle of the greenest grass ever, it is warm and the breeze is gentle. It is perfect. I am almost there.