I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Some things just weren’t how they were supposed to be and finding this out caused whole lot of other things to happen. Ignorance would have been bliss. It also would have meant a lot more other trouble later.
But this has meant that I’ve been really tired and busy these past few weeks. I should have slept more but I couldn’t because I couldn’t stop thinking. My hands have been itching like crazy, skin has started to flake away. It’s like ants crawling under my skin, I want to tear it open and let it all bleed out. Not that that would help.
Friday I was on my way to work, feeling completely exhausted. Also a bit relieved, we got some stuff sorted out Thursday and I felt like some of this all was out of my hands, that there was nothing more I could to, a little less to worry. I was listening to my ipod, humming along to Dixie Chicks, and suddenly I had to stop walking, lean into my knees and just let go. Tears were running down my cheeks, I was breathless, exhausted. This complete giving up just lasted for ten, fifteen seconds. But I felt better afterwards. I felt that I would be okay. All this would pass.
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