Snowflakes

Just Jack says it something like "you've played all the games and you're no longer amused". I think I should find something new to play around with. And I don't mean people. Well, atleast not for the most part.

I should get some things out of my head, including some people, things long gone, things that should be meaningless by now. Sometimes I feel I cling to things just because I have nothing to replace them with. I don't have anything to move on to. I've started to miss the weirdest people, and what's strange about that is I miss people physically, but not sexually. I don't miss knowing them, talking to them, I miss holding hands, sleeping, just sleeping together. And I wonder was there someone I could sleep with, was there a moment when I lost that and after that just kept on looking? Trying to find the peace in someone so I could find peace in me? That's dumb. It has to be in me, I have to find it in me. I wish I could remember better.

I don't know what has gotten into me, why I'm feeling so sad so often. I'm really close turning into a compelete mush-fest, I want to go around and tell my friends I love them, no matter what. Almost like preparing them for something awful, like I'm about to get a rifle and climb into a tower and start shooting. (I'll start with the people who shouldn't use public transport and that includes all girls in their teens.) Because I also get irritated very easily. So maybe I should hold back with the declarations of love, or they might turn into I love you but shut the fuck up...

That goes for me too.