I'm going to shamelessly borrow from someone else again. And I will even butcher it with rough translation... Sorry, Annamari Marttinen.
"It's easy to forget someone. Of course, she'll come to mind occasionally, just like a memory, just like any other memory. There can't be any memory that wouldn't sometimes come back, even if you don't want it to. With some memories you stop and wonder, wait, was I really there? Was it really me?"
I read that bit today and instantly knew what it meant. Sometimes something just hits you, you really get it. That is an idea I've been trying to grasp myself. That there are things that you know happened to you, you were there, you did this and that and still... It feels like some parts of your life never really happened to you, that it was just something you read, or saw in a movie, something that was told to you that happened. Parts of your life just drift away, become distant and leave you wondering, did I just imagine that..?
My "was I really there moment"? Tempted to say I can't remember any... (ohmygod I have bad sense of humour). A park in Prague, on my first trip there. Worn out hotel room in Tallinn. Cocktailbar in Budapest. Drinking margaritas in Luxembourg. And a hundred more...
2 comments:
You are totally not alone. I have the same thoughts... most of them involve things that at the time were very painful..now I just sort of look at it like: That wasn't me, it was my doppleganger
And sometimes I am in the middle of something I truly hope that would be happening to someone else, that while it's going on you kinda look at the situation from outside and wonder your own actions. Like watching a movie. You see what's happening, you hear words coming out off your own mouth but still it seems like it's not you. Detachment problems, anyone..?
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